your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
