Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just threw up on my dentist
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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