OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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