dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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