Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
