You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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