I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize