i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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