that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
