I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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