you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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