Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
