She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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