Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
