hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
