she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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