do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
