she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
