Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
