HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
