Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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