She's JV to your varsity
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
