do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
