Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
