I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
