I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
