So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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