Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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