You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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