Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
