My nipple is on Facebook.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
