OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
