My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
