I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
