i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
