I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
