im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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