You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
