I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
