I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize