$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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