this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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