Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
