Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
