Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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