Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This house was built for laser tag.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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