She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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