wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
