Me too!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm passing your future prison.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I have post one night stand depression
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