I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize