please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
