remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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