I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
