My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
