i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
