so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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