he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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