No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
