Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
