I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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