What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
