I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Say something about gay babies.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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