how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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