Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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