I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
