she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
