Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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