My first STD was from a foam party
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize