it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What drink are we having for lunch?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
