what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
