Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just found puke in my bra..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
