I think my vagina is haunted
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
