I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
