Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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