If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
